“Dude, you don’t smoke, do you?” asked Darc as he walked up to me.
“No, I don’t,” I said, looking around at the other patients that were outside with us. Adelaide was one of them. I began to wonder where my roommate stashed himself when he wasn’t screaming at me. I hadn’t seen him at dinner.
“You were never tempted to start?” Darc asked.
“No, why would I want to kill myself that way,” I replied, a hint of anger in my voice.
“Dude, don’t trip. I just need a cig,” Darc said, as he walked toward Adelaide, who by now was puffing up a storm. I walked over to a bench and sat down, enjoying the outdoor air. I began to scan the building, wondering how on Earth I was going to get to Christian or, for that matter, get us both out of here. I need to talk to Dad again. He believed me. I don’t know why, but he believed that I had found Christian. I need to talk to Dr. Melcher, too. For some reason I feel I can trust him.
Good.
What?
“Homeboy, make room,” Darc said, walking up to the bench. I slid down to the end of it and watched him ease his tall, lanky, white-boy frame on to the seat next to me. He looked up at the sky, then he looked at me, then he turned his head back toward the sky and closed his eyes, but spoke again.
“You ever wonder how you end up in places like this?” His eyes were still shut, cigarette hanging out of the end of his mouth.
“You mean me personally?”
“I mean all of us.”
“Well, from what I understand, its usually because we’re a danger to ourselves or others.” It was the best explanation I could come up with, and pretty much close to the truth, at least as I believed it.
“Yeah, but what gets us to THAT point?”
“Um….how bout a bad trip?” I was poking, but he deserved it.
“Okay, well deserved. But check me out, how are any of us different after we get out of this place? By the time we’re released, what is keeping us from being a danger anymore?” His eyes were open now, but still staring at the sky.
“Medication…therapy….,” I replied, pulling at straws.
“No, dude. That’s not it.”
“What then?”
“We decide that its just better to be on the outside than to be on the inside…,” he replied, wistfully.
“Like jail.”
“Yeah, kinda like jail. But check me out, I’ve discovered something that I’m going to tell you about. Its not a secret. People that come in and out of here know what it is. Its actually really simple.” He mashed his cigarette under his sneaker.
“What is it?” Truly curious, I turned to look at Darc. Strangely enough, he turned to look at me at the same time.
“To get out of here, people always do the same thing. Always.”
“And that is….”
“They stop listening to themselves,” he said slowly.
“I don’t get it.” And I really didn’t.
“Well, maybe you’ll understand in time to avoid ending up like that,” and he pointed toward Mary, who had just begun to grind a lit cigarette in to her arm. I was still processing everything as Thomas went flying over to Mary and wrestled the cigarette out of her hand. She started screaming and wrestling with him. Two nurses came running out in to the break area to help him. Soon after, another attendant came outside with a syringe. Soon after, as the rest of the patients looked on, Mary was carried inside where the Quiet Room shackles waited for her, I’m sure. The effect of what Darc said sunk in.
“Ya see, Kevo, when Mary did that, she was just doing what some little voice in her head told her to do. They call it by some long scientific name, but basically something inside her told her to turn on herself. Most people in this world just ignore that little voice. They go through the ins and outs of life without hearing anything. Lemme tell you something though. Once you’re able to hear the voice that gives you the real information, the skinny about things, the truth about life, then not only can you avoid places like this, but you can WORK life.” And with that, he lit up and started puffing again, eyes closed.
“How do you hear that voice?” I was hooked on this idea.
“Dude, if I knew, I would tell you. But look at where I am.” Eyes still closed.
“Who can tell me how to start hearing that voice?” I was turned toward him now, practically hanging on his every word.
“Its different for everybody. Hopefully someone will eventually tell me.”
“Who told you that it exists?”
“That guy.” And he pointed toward one of the windows that opened onto the break yard. It was my window. He was pointing to my roommate, who was currently giving us the finger and mouthing Fuck You.
“Nice source,” I said, getting up.
“Believe what you want,” Darc said, still puffing.
“C’mon boys, time for nite-nite,” Thomas said as Darc and I walked inside.
“No, I don’t,” I said, looking around at the other patients that were outside with us. Adelaide was one of them. I began to wonder where my roommate stashed himself when he wasn’t screaming at me. I hadn’t seen him at dinner.
“You were never tempted to start?” Darc asked.
“No, why would I want to kill myself that way,” I replied, a hint of anger in my voice.
“Dude, don’t trip. I just need a cig,” Darc said, as he walked toward Adelaide, who by now was puffing up a storm. I walked over to a bench and sat down, enjoying the outdoor air. I began to scan the building, wondering how on Earth I was going to get to Christian or, for that matter, get us both out of here. I need to talk to Dad again. He believed me. I don’t know why, but he believed that I had found Christian. I need to talk to Dr. Melcher, too. For some reason I feel I can trust him.
Good.
What?
“Homeboy, make room,” Darc said, walking up to the bench. I slid down to the end of it and watched him ease his tall, lanky, white-boy frame on to the seat next to me. He looked up at the sky, then he looked at me, then he turned his head back toward the sky and closed his eyes, but spoke again.
“You ever wonder how you end up in places like this?” His eyes were still shut, cigarette hanging out of the end of his mouth.
“You mean me personally?”
“I mean all of us.”
“Well, from what I understand, its usually because we’re a danger to ourselves or others.” It was the best explanation I could come up with, and pretty much close to the truth, at least as I believed it.
“Yeah, but what gets us to THAT point?”
“Um….how bout a bad trip?” I was poking, but he deserved it.
“Okay, well deserved. But check me out, how are any of us different after we get out of this place? By the time we’re released, what is keeping us from being a danger anymore?” His eyes were open now, but still staring at the sky.
“Medication…therapy….,” I replied, pulling at straws.
“No, dude. That’s not it.”
“What then?”
“We decide that its just better to be on the outside than to be on the inside…,” he replied, wistfully.
“Like jail.”
“Yeah, kinda like jail. But check me out, I’ve discovered something that I’m going to tell you about. Its not a secret. People that come in and out of here know what it is. Its actually really simple.” He mashed his cigarette under his sneaker.
“What is it?” Truly curious, I turned to look at Darc. Strangely enough, he turned to look at me at the same time.
“To get out of here, people always do the same thing. Always.”
“And that is….”
“They stop listening to themselves,” he said slowly.
“I don’t get it.” And I really didn’t.
“Well, maybe you’ll understand in time to avoid ending up like that,” and he pointed toward Mary, who had just begun to grind a lit cigarette in to her arm. I was still processing everything as Thomas went flying over to Mary and wrestled the cigarette out of her hand. She started screaming and wrestling with him. Two nurses came running out in to the break area to help him. Soon after, another attendant came outside with a syringe. Soon after, as the rest of the patients looked on, Mary was carried inside where the Quiet Room shackles waited for her, I’m sure. The effect of what Darc said sunk in.
“Ya see, Kevo, when Mary did that, she was just doing what some little voice in her head told her to do. They call it by some long scientific name, but basically something inside her told her to turn on herself. Most people in this world just ignore that little voice. They go through the ins and outs of life without hearing anything. Lemme tell you something though. Once you’re able to hear the voice that gives you the real information, the skinny about things, the truth about life, then not only can you avoid places like this, but you can WORK life.” And with that, he lit up and started puffing again, eyes closed.
“How do you hear that voice?” I was hooked on this idea.
“Dude, if I knew, I would tell you. But look at where I am.” Eyes still closed.
“Who can tell me how to start hearing that voice?” I was turned toward him now, practically hanging on his every word.
“Its different for everybody. Hopefully someone will eventually tell me.”
“Who told you that it exists?”
“That guy.” And he pointed toward one of the windows that opened onto the break yard. It was my window. He was pointing to my roommate, who was currently giving us the finger and mouthing Fuck You.
“Nice source,” I said, getting up.
“Believe what you want,” Darc said, still puffing.
“C’mon boys, time for nite-nite,” Thomas said as Darc and I walked inside.